When Did Keeping Ourselves Become A Badge Of Honour?

November 4th was National Stress Awareness Day, with Mind organisations highlighting the importance of recognising stress and making space to pause. We've become so accustomed to juggling everything that we can forget what it feels like to slow down. But being busy isn't a badge of honour, and rest shouldn't be something we have to earn.

When asked how you're doing, how often do you respond "Oh, I'm so busy!" We say it almost automatically.

It seems like we're living busier lives than ever before. We've got work to do, people to look after, homes to run, messages to answer, appointments to remember and endless things on our to-do lists. And even when we've finished one thing, there's usually something else waiting to take its place.

Somewhere along the way, being busy seems to have become the norm. Perhaps even a badge of honour. But when did we decide that constantly having something to do was a measure of how well we're doing?

The pressure to keep going

For many women, life can feel like one long balancing act.

There's your day job, the household responsibilities, family commitments, friendships and all the little things that need organising and remembering. Before you even take a breath and time for yourself....

And often, we're not just doing the tasks ourselves; we're carrying the mental load of remembering what needs doing, when it needs doing and who needs what. You have to do lists for your to do lists... It's no wonder that finding time for ourselves can feel difficult.

But there's another layer to this.

Sometimes, even when we do have time available, we're too 'busy' to allow ourselves to enjoy it.. You sit down with a cup of tea, but your mind is already working through the shopping list, deciding what's for dinner and actually preparing it, the chores that need to be done before you can take a rest or go to bed....

You settle down to watch something on television, but feel guilty because the washing hasn't been put away. You think about taking a little time for ourselves, but immediately start mentally listing all the things you should be doing instead.

Sound familiar?

Why do we find it so difficult to stop and slow down?

Part of the problem is that we can become so accustomed to being busy that slowing down feels uncomfortable.

We might tell ourselves:

• I should be doing something more productive.

• I'll relax once I've finished everything.

• I can't just sit around doing nothing.

• I need to get everything done before I can rest because no one else will do it

• I can't rest if the house is a mess

And sometimes these thoughts are so familiar that we don't even question them.

We simply accept them as the truth.

But what if they aren't?

What if you don't have to finish every task before you're allowed to rest?

What if taking time for yourself isn't selfish?

And what if your worth isn't measured by how much you manage to get done in a day?

Being busy isn't the same as looking after yourself

There's nothing wrong with being productive, having goals or enjoying a full and active life.

The problem comes when being busy becomes our default setting and we forget to pay attention to what we need. We can become so focused on getting through the day, meeting expectations and keeping everything ticking along that we stop noticing how we're actually feeling.

Are you finding it difficult to switch off?

Are you making time for the things you enjoy doing? Do you even have hobbies?

Are you recognising when you need a break, or do you keep pushing yourself because there's always something else to do?

Our wellbeing deserves attention too. It shouldn't be something we only think about when we're exhausted or overwhelmed.

Small ways to give yourself permission to pause

Looking after yourself doesn't have to involve making huge changes or finding hours of extra time in your already busy schedule.

Sometimes it's about making small adjustments and allowing yourself to do things differently.

Here are a few things you could try:

1. Stop treating rest as a reward

You don't have to earn the right to put your feet up. Rest is a normal part of looking after yourself, not a prize for completing your to-do list.

2. Do one thing at a time

When you have a cup of tea, enjoy your cup of tea. When you're having lunch, give yourself a chance to actually enjoy it rather than eating while answering emails or sorting out something else.

3. Notice when you're saying yes out of obligation

Before automatically agreeing to another request, pause for a moment. Do you genuinely have the time and energy for it? It's okay to say no sometimes.

4. Make space for something you enjoy

It doesn't need to be anything elaborate. Read a book, go for a walk, listen to music, spend time in the garden or do something creative. Make room for things that are just for you.

5. Pay attention to the way you speak to yourself

If you find yourself feeling guilty for resting or telling yourself you should be doing more, ask yourself where that expectation comes from. Would you expect the same of someone you care about?

A little invitation for you...

Over the next few days, I'd like you to try making a small change to your routine...

Give yourself ten minutes each day to do something that isn't about being productive, achieving something or looking after somebody else.

It could be sitting quietly with a drink, going outside for some fresh air, listening to your favourite music or simply doing absolutely nothing.

Without feeling guilty.....

Notice how it feels.

If you've never done this before it may feel challenging at first. But it's so important to switch off the mental chatter and just be...

You matter too

Stress Awareness Day may give us a particular opportunity to think about the pressures we face, but our wellbeing deserves attention throughout the year.

We don't have to wait until we're completely overwhelmed before we start making changes. We don't have to keep pushing ourselves to meet impossible expectations. And we don't have to put ourselves at the bottom of the list every single time because there's 'too much to do first'.

Being busy doesn't make you more valuable. Getting everything done doesn't make you more deserving of rest. You matter just as much as all the people and responsibilities that fill your days. So perhaps it's time to stop wearing busyness as a badge of honour and start giving ourselves permission to slow down.

A question to leave you with:

When was the last time you allowed yourself to stop without feeling guilty about everything you hadn't done?

I'd love to hear your thoughts💛