How Your Relationship With Your Mother Shapes Self-Worth and Boundaries

Mother’s Day can bring up many different emotions.

For some women it’s a day of celebration - gratitude for the woman who raised you.

But for others, it can quietly stir feelings that are harder to name.

Grief.
Anger.
Confusion.
Or a deep sense that something was missing growing up.

Children often believe that love is something they must earn. That if they behave well enough, help enough, or make themselves small enough, they will get love.

This was my story.. I was taken into care as a young child, separated from my youngest sibling. I somehow about whether the people who were meant to show up for me actually would.

There were times my mother wouldn’t come to collect us for the weekend when she said she would.

For a long time I didn't release how this was affecting me, my relationships with others, how I felt about myself...

I had unknowingly created a belief:

If I’m a good girl, I’ll be loved.

Later, when my father remarried, the dynamic in our home shifted again.

My stepmother was a difficult woman who disciplined harshly and often. Looking back, I can see how much control and tension existed in that environment. The nurturing I needed didn’t come from within the home — it came from people outside of it.

Somewhere along the way I also absorbed another quiet message:

That the feminine was dangerous.

That being expressive, visible, confident or opinionated could provoke criticism or punishment.

As a result, I often found myself comparing myself to others.

I kept myself small because confidence was showing off... I buried my nose into books for escapism and the fantasy of living other realities. I was the academic one who strived to get good grades so I could go to university and get a job as that was expected...

I became the protector.
The one who held things together.
The one who provided emotional stability when others couldn’t.

Children who grow up in unpredictable environments often develop extraordinary resilience and intuition.

They learn to read the emotional atmosphere in a room.

They learn when to stay quiet.
When to be helpful.
When to step in and take responsibility long before they should have to.

These adaptations help us survive childhood.

But they can follow us quietly into adulthood.

💌They can show up as people-pleasing.
💌Difficulty setting boundaries.
💌Feeling responsible for everyone else’s wellbeing / feelings
💌Struggling to fully trust that love can exist without conditions.

This is often referred to as the Mother Wound — the imprint our early maternal relationship can leave on our sense of worth, belonging, and safety in relationships.

But the mother wound rarely begins with just one woman.

Often it is something carried through generations.

For centuries, women were persecuted for speaking up, having opinions, or expressing their power. Many learned to stay quiet, to suppress their voice, to keep themselves small in order to survive.

Those patterns don’t disappear overnight.

They move quietly through family lines — shaping how women relate to themselves, to one another, and to their daughters.

Understanding this was a turning point for me.

It allowed me to move away from blame and toward compassion — both for myself and for the women who came before me.

Because when we begin to see the wider story, we realise that many of these patterns were never personal failures.

They were adaptations.

And what was learned can also be gently unlearned.

Over the years I began exploring these patterns more deeply through reflection, shadow work, and personal healing practices.

That journey eventually inspired me to create CRADLE.

CRADLE is a compassionate space where women can begin to understand the roots of the patterns they carry.

A space to explore the imprints left by early relationships.

And a space to begin relating to themselves — and others — in a different way.

Because the patterns we learned in childhood don’t have to define the rest of our lives.

And if Mother’s Day brings up complicated feelings for you, please know that you’re not alone.

Many women carry these quiet imprints.

And healing often begins simply by recognising them.

Learn more about CRADLE here